Free the Emotional Body & I Become Free of the Obese Body

Around 400 Lbs.

I can’t believe it has been almost three months since I’ve written a post for this blog.  I promised myself when I began this journey I would be brutally honest and that’s not always as easy as one may think.  This is probably why I’ve procrastinated on writing a new post because on some level I felt it was time for the brutal honesty. 

I went into a two month plateau and I was busting my butt at the gym.  At the end of the two months of not shedding even one pound I said the proverbial “screw this” and began that downward spiral of self-sabotage.  As I began to indulge in extra butter and mayonnaise on select foods.  I told myself these few items wouldn’t make a difference.  Besides I would continue to work out at the gym.  Thank God I didn’t give that up completely.  Then came the sugar free ice cream sweetened with Maltitol and Sorbitol.  Mind you a half a cup only  has 4 to 5 grams of sugar versus the 20 plus grams per a half a cup of other brands but it doesn’t really count if you’re eating a huge bowl that ends up adding to a full two to three cups.

My freefall, I am grateful to say, only lasted about six weeks yet it added 12 pounds back onto my already tired body.  About the time I decided this insanity could not continue and I needed to get back on track to eating healthy I had my blood pressure taken at the doctors.  A whopping 211/141.  Needless to say this scared the living heck out of me and I made the decision to really kick things into gear.  I’m off of dairy, sugar and wheat, not even fruit for the time being.  Pretty much chicken, fish, turkey, very little beef and lots of salads, raw and steamed or grilled vegetables.  I have dropped 22 pounds in 21 days and 20.75 inches during this time.

Now to the emotional part of weight loss and I believe there are emotional components involved with morbid obesity.  I actually had the opportunity to attend an experiential workshop June 2009 called the, Braddock Body Process developed by a phenomenal woman Carolyn Braddock.  Carolyn through her 42 years of working with people has witnessed that when a person has been through abuse or trauma they develop patterns within the physical body that keep them from moving forward in life.  Not using the breath, holding one’s breath, certain walking patterns, rigidity in the joints, etc.  Obesity seems to be just one more thing that gets heaped on that pile.

I personally began to do serious work about 15 years ago around being molested as a small child by my paternal grandfather.  It wasn’t until I attended Carolyn’s workshop June last summer and then again in November of 2009 that I’ve finally been able to begin to love myself enough to take care of my body so I can let go of the excess baggage physically.  I’d come a long way over the years on the path to heal emotionally and spiritually yet I hadn’t been able to deal with and release the weight.  At 59 years old I’m finally on my way home to myself.  The self I lost at the innocent young age of three.

I’ve thought long and hard about being this honest regarding my past yet if it helps one other person or gives them the encouragement to continue on then it’s worth it.  This isn’t the kind of thing you tell most people let alone place it in a blog for who knows how many people to read yet I think this is also part of my healing process.  I just attended Carolyn’s workshop for a tune up so to speak November 4-6th of this year and was able to celebrate my 59th birthday while there.  Being with the small group of beautiful souls who I had the privelage to get to know absolutely inspired me to keep on loving myself and wanting to make a positive change so I may be part of the solution to all the grief and pain that exists in our society today and not part of the problem.  I thank them all and honor the courage they have to walk that dark path to reach the light of healing on all levels.

Most of all, thank you Carolyn, you are an awesome woman and you have changed my life.  I am eternally grateful.  The work you do is so needed on this planet.

At the age of 44 when the vivid memories surfaced of my grandfather molesting me I wrote my first poem and I would like to share it now.

WHAT GRANDFATHER TAUGHT ME

Who’s the frightened young girl in the woman I see

How can I teach her to set her soul free

Out of the darkness he always came to me

I need you, I love you, Grandfather would say

Come hold my hand and we will play

Grandfather taught me to keep secrets, play hide and seek                                 

He taught me not to reveal things that might hurt those I loved

You must not tell your parents for they’d never understand

They wouldn’t want you or love you yet I think you’re simply grand

I was his favorite he’d say stealing a kiss

Nicknamed Greta Garbo for my youthful looks and blonde hair

How could you Grandfather, I was only three

Did you ever realize how much you stole from me

I was a babe in the woods and relished for my purity

A petty thief would have had more care or concern for my sanity

Yet you taught me to take the blame and accept the responsibility

You taught me to negate myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually

Damn you Grandfather, you attempted to imprison me

And I promise you this I will set my soul free

My grandfather built the walls to the prison I lived in for so many decades but I’m the one who made sure they didn’t crumble or fall for fear of seeing this ugly and horrible person that I’d come to believe I was.  I now know this was a lie that I believed for way too long.  It’s mainly the beautiful strong women in my life who have supported me in my healing process.  My mother, sisters, daughter, neices and friends over the years have been my lifeline.  If you read this and are needing someone to talk to please do so.  Find a friend and it doesn’t have to be another woman as there are many wonderful kind and caring men out there who can lend a listening ear, a hand to hold, or a shoulder to cry on.  The important thing is to talk to someone.

I wish everyone a wonderful Journey to Health, Happiness, Peace, Love, Prosperity, Joy, Laughter and a Connection to the Divine.

Namaste – Kara Myers

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